


Of course I'm not a cat

by NoMansWindow2846



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Cat!Arin, Fluff, M/M, Miscommunication, rubberdoop are a side thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-08 00:06:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8821717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoMansWindow2846/pseuds/NoMansWindow2846
Summary: Dan meets a stray cat outside the office and tells the cat all the office drama.





	

**Author's Note:**

> came up with this idea at like 1 am, not my brightest moment

Dan was about to walk into the office when a streak of bright orange fur ran past his peripheral vision. The cat having caught his attention, Dan turned his head. The orange tabby seemed to notice Dan before slowly advancing to him. Dan watched the cat, taking a few steps forward and squatting. The cat purred as it rub against Dan’s outstretch hand. Dan laughed before checking for tags. He hadn’t seen the cat around, but stray animals weren’t exactly nonexistent in the area. Dan frowned at the lack of tags, which meant that this cat was newly abandoned based on the fat the cat.

“Sad that someone left you out here alone. But I know someone would probably wouldn’t mind another cat.” The cat pulled away from Dan, waiting for him to continue. Dan reached out and scratched the cat’s ears. “Yeah, I know, buddy. A new home. His name is Arin and-” The cat sprinted away before Dan could explain anymore. Dan brushed it off, thinking that something had spooked the cat.

When Dan got to the office, he demanded to see Suzy or Arin, claiming either would do. Ross pointed out that Suzy hadn’t come in with Arin today. “Fine. Where’s Arin?”

Ross looked at Barry before turning back to Dan, “What’s this about?”

Dan slammed his hands down on Ross’s desk, “I just saw the fattest cat ever and I need to tell Arin about it!”

Barry piped up, trying to sound slightly heartbroken, “What about us, huh?” Dan gave a dramatic sigh before diving into the story of the tabby from outside. Barry paused Dan mid-story, “How can it be that fat with no collar?”

Dan huffed, “I was about to get to that, thank you very much. I think the cat was newly abandoned. Like someone moved and left their cat behind, but I dunno. For all I know, it was Arin’s spirit animal.”

Arin had just come around the corner and lifted his head at his name, “What was?” Attention turned from Dan to Arin, who looked at the trio. Each had a grin on their face, but Barry and Ross where nowhere close to Dan. “Why does Dan have that look on his face?”

Dan tugged his hand, sitting him down at his own desk. “I have to tell you about this really fat tabby I saw.” Arin swallowed before motioning for Dan to continue. He dove into the tale once more, adding fanfares here and there despite the shortness of the story. “And I think you should adopt it.”

Arin choked on his water, coughing, as he looked up at Dan. “Dan, I can’t just take any cat off the streets because you say I should. There’s a lot of work you have to do before you can even get the cat to trust you, let alone bring it home to other cats. I appreciate the thought, but I’m sorry, I can’t take in the tabby.”

Dan pouted, “Can it at least be the Game Grumps mascot? I can give it food every day. It already trusts me. It purred at me, Arin, it purred.”

Arin laughed, “Way to make the final decision. But you know what, sure. If Barry and Ross are cool with it, I don’t see the problem. And Suzy would probably agree with me.” Barry gave his vote of confidence and Ross gave a simple thumbs up. “I guess that settles that then, huh?”

Dan was excited to see the fat cat again. A grin grew on his face, “I’m naming it Arin. Spelled with an E if it’s a girl.” Dan paused. “What should I feed it?”

Arin paled slightly, feeling sick to his stomach. “I can print you a list of what to feed cats later. Now, I believe we have a session to do. C’mon, you goofball.”

The session went fine, fantastic even. Dan was more upbeat than his usual self and Arin thrived off that extra energy, beating some of the harder levels with a bit of ease. As the session wrapped up, Dan pressed Arin for the list of food he could feed the new mascot.

Arin did and Dan left the office, saying he was going to buy everything on the list. Arin regretted adding the words “on occasion” as a title for a separate column. The list wasn’t wrong in anyway, it was exactly what you would feed a normal cat, but the tabby outside the office wasn’t a normal cat, it was Arin.

Dan returned after nearly two hours, arms full of bags. He dropped them in the middle of the floor as everyone gathered to view his haul. Almost all of it was bags of different cat food, the last two bags filled with treats, cat toys, and bowls for water and food.

Arin looked at the haul with a frown as Dan unpacked everything. “You didn’t have to buy all this, y’know. I could have given you some of these. Like the bowls for example. You didn’t have to get bowls specifically for the cat. Or buy brand new cat toys. Laser pointers are wonders.”

Dan looked up at Arin, “I wanted to. The cat’s our mascot and I want make it feel welcome, y’know.” Dan continued to unpack, stashing the food and toys away. Barry and Ross seemed rather amused that Dan was taking this cat stuff so seriously, but then again, when Dan had his heart set on something, little could budge it.

The day passed slowly as Dan continued to check the time until he thought it was reasonable to the leave. When the clock changed to the magic number, Dan hopped to his feet. He grabbed the dishes, a can of tuna, and a bottle of water and slipped outside. He sat down against the building, dropping everything. He made it somewhat presentable and placed it some distance away from him, in case the cat was still afraid of him.

After what felt like an eternity, but was closer to ten minutes, the tabby toddled over to the food. It seemed grateful for the tuna, devouring it before Dan could notice the cat. Dan reached out his hand and the cat moved towards it, rubbing against it. He felt the soft vibrations of purring as the cat moved closer to Dan, coming close enough to rub against his leg.

Dan laughed, “You really like me, huh? Well, I really like you, too and I’ve decided to name you Arin.” Dan picked up the cat, much to the cat’s protest. “Yeah. Arin with an A.” He placed the cat in his lap and the cat purred, curling into a ball. “It’s too bad you won’t meet the man you’re named after. He doesn’t want another cat and that’s sad. Who wouldn’t want another furry friend? Ah, no matter because you’ve got me and I’ll take care of you.” Dan leaned over the cat, whispering, “And I will tell you all the office gossip.” Dan leaned back, “Not that there’s much to tell. Barry and Ross are fucking each other, wanting to, or they hate each other. There’s never an in-between with the looks they give each other. Trust me, I’ve had enough of those looks to know it’s only one of those three options. Too much passion. That’s all I have. Oh, and maybe Arin actually wants to fuck me. I don’t know. I try to play it off, but he seems like he genuinely wants to fuck me. What do you think, cat Arin?”

The cat purred some more before stretching.

“Should I tell him that I’m not really interested? Like part of me is like, ‘just get laid already’, but the rest of me is screaming that office romances, even with our dynamic, is gonna be awful. That and the fact I’ve never been interested in guys so it’s all a bit too much for me. I dunno. Maybe I’ll keep talking to you and you’ll reveal the answers to the universe to me or something. How does that sound?”

Dan began absently scratching the cat’s ear, earning more purring.

“I take that a yes. I think I’m going to wait for Arin to make the first move, though. I don’t want to mess up things in case I’m reading the signals wrong. God, it would be so embarrassing if I thought he actually wanted to fuck me, or me to fuck him. Who would top? Me, right? Why am I even talking about this? I don’t want to fuck Arin, I don’t think. And maybe that’s for the best because it’s probably Arin just being Arin. He probably doesn’t want to fuck me and it just him saying those things for comedy. I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time someone joked about wanting to fuck me and not even the first guy actually.”

Dan looked down at Arin. “You don’t have to worry about office stuff. You’re a cat. And a fat one at that. But I still love you. Did I say that you’re the office mascot, huh? Because you are and that means I’m gonna come out here every day and feed you. It won’t be tuna all the time because human Arin said to only give it to you on occasion. But I’ll probably give it to you more than I’m supposed to.”

Dan’s eyes turned to the darkening sky. “Yeah. I’m just gonna wait for Arin to make the first move. If he doesn’t do or say anything in the next week or something, I’m gonna ask him about it. I guess that’s not really waiting, huh? I’m giving Arin a time limit that he has no idea about. Guess that’s how I’ve always been, though. Giving time limits without telling the other person. I really should stop. I mean, if Arin is gonna say something, it probably won’t be in the next week. I guess I’m just going to be the first one to say anything. It’s not like I have feelings to confess or anything. I’m just asking him if he genuinely wants to fuck me.”

Dan laughed to himself, “A song I wrote a few years just got a whole new meaning. It’s FYI I wanna F you A. I mean, yeah it’s clearly about a girl, but Arin can be pretty feminine when he want to be. Doesn’t matter. I’m gonna say something to tomorrow. It’s certainly been going on for long enough that we should just put everything out there.”

The cat seemed startled by something and quickly disappeared out of view. Dan shrugged before climbing to his feet. Leaving the water in case the cat came back during the night, Dan grabbed the other dish. As he was about to enter the office, Barry poked his head out.

“Have you seen Arin? I need to ask him something and I can’t find him?”

Dan shrugged, “No. I’ve been out here with the cat. If he came out, I didn’t see him.” Barry nodded before letting Dan in. Dan thought about his promise with the cat, deciding that it was also a promise to himself, one he had to keep if he wanted them to move forward with their friendship.

When the next day came, Dan had been pacing in the office, waiting for Arin to show up, figuring he gave Ross a ride as well.

Barry pulled his headphones off, “If you keep going, there’s gonna be a hole in the floor.” Dan paused before returning to pacing. “Okay. That’s not going to work. How about you tell me what’s up?”

Dan shook his head. “No, no. It’s something between me and Arin.”

Barry nodded, a grin growing on his face. “You’re going to tell him you want to fuck him. Good for you.”

Dan snapped his head around to Barry, “Yeah. When you tell Ross the same thing.”

“I don’t want to fuck Ross,” Barry countered, crossing his arms. “But it’s clear you want to fuck Arin.”

“Either you’re denying your feeling for him or you hate him. You guys look at each other with so much passion. And I don’t want to fuck Arin. I’m going to ask if he wants to fuck me.”

Barry turned back to his computer, “I don’t like Ross.”

Dan huffed, flopping into a bean bag chair, “I don’t like Arin.”

A silence filled the void, but only lasted a few minutes as Arin and Ross came in. Arin locked eyes with Dan before pulling the thin man to his feet. Dan yelped as Arin dragged him into the small room the called the recording space. Dan’s eyes flashed to Barry, who looked rather smug with himself, before the rounding the corner.

Dan felt his stomach tighten as he gathered the courage to ask what he planned to, but Arin held up his hand. “Can I speak first?” Dan nodded, giving Arin the floor. “Okay, so um, how do I say this? We’ve been friends for years now and I think I may have been too pushy with humor, especially at the beginning, and I just wanna apologize for that.”

Dan blinked at Arin. “Wait, you’re apologizing for your humor?” Arin nodded, avoiding Dan’s eyes. “Where did this come from? Like you just came out of left field with it. You should never have to apologize for your humor, man.”

Arin met Dan’s eyes before smiling himself, “Yeah. Okay. That’s all I wanted to say. You can go now.”

Arin prepared himself for Dan’s question, already knowing exactly what it was going to be. Dan took a shaky breath, trying to calm himself. “Wait. Is the apology for all the jokes about fucking me?”

Well, that wasn’t what Arin expected, but his answer remained the same, “Yes.”

“Do you actually want to fuck me or were you apologizing because you don’t and were making sure I wasn’t uncomfortable?”

“Yes?” Arin said, raising his hands uncertainly. To be honest, Arin did want Dan screaming his name, but not if Dan didn’t feel that way.

“Well, I think that settles that one question for me, but now I have so many more questions. Like, does Suzy know? If we did fuck, would it be a relationship or would it be more of like a fuck buddies thing? How are you so calm about all this? If someone was like, ‘Hey, Dan, do you wanna fuck me?’ I probably would freak out just a little.”

Arin chewed on his lip, thinking up an answer. “Um, Suzy doesn’t seem to care about other relationships I have as long as I don’t get involved in hers. So yeah, she knows. I never really thought about what we would call ourselves because I didn’t think you would actually be open to the idea. And to be honest, I am freaking out, I’m also just a bit stunned that you would even think about, y’know, fucking. I mean, you’re Mr. Straight, Mr. Danny Sexbang, a swooner of women. Like you always played my jokes down or off and like I guess I should have asked about how you felt in the whole situation first, huh?”

Dan did not expect anything like that out of Arin. He thought Arin would make a joke out of it, but no, he was dead serious in the whole affair. “Oh” was all Dan could muster, his feelings and sexuality stuck in a heated battle. Dan sat down on the couch, eyes glazed over, mouth hanging open.

Arin wringed his hands, choosing to remain standing in case Dan would push Arin away if he sat. “Um, any other questions? Or anything?” Arin was trying his hardest to help Dan, but he was too lost in his own head. “Uh, hey, if it’s any consultation, we can always go back to just joking about it or leave it alone entirely if it makes you too uncomfortable. It wouldn’t be the first time I got turned down.” Arin forced out a laugh that sounded more like a bark than a laugh.

Dan seemed to notice that Arin was still standing in the room, turning his head to the younger man. “Can I have some time to think?”

Arin nodded, leaving Dan alone. He silently cursed himself for not letting Dan speak first. Everything could have turned out a lot better if he had actually listened to Dan yesterday. Dan had said that he was tired of Arin doing nothing and then the day Dan decided to say something, Arin had to jump in and ruin everything, possibly including his friendship with Dan. Arin sighed, slipping into his desk chair. He slammed his hand down on his desk, causing everything to jump, including Barry and Ross. He cursed himself aloud before apologizing to the two men.

Barry knitted his eyebrows, glancing at Ross, who had the same mask of concern. “Uh, hey, Arin. Everything okay with you and Dan?” Barry placed a hand on Arin’s shoulder, just to have it slapped away. “Anything we can do?”

Arin lifted his head, “Can you reverse time? Because that’s what I need right about now. A do-over.”

“I can’t reverse time, but I can check on Dan, if you want.”

“Please?”

Barry nodded, standing. As he stepped away from his desk, Dan rounded the corner, making a b-line to Arin’s desk. Barry took a side-step, blocking Dan. “Okay. We’re gonna have a little talk, Dan.”

Dan protested, dodging Barry’s grabbing. “It’s fine, you guys. Maybe you two should work out your own shit before stepping into mine.” Ross raised an eyebrow, but Dan shut him up, “You know exactly what I’m talking about. Now I need to talk to Arin, if you don’t mind.”

Barry hesitated, but gave in, moving away from Arin. Dan gave a curt nod before dragging Arin towards the recording room, not unlike what Arin had done to him. Arin bounced along, hesitant to the whole idea, but gave no resistance. As soon as Dan was certain that Barry or Ross couldn’t see them from their desks, he slammed his lips against Arin’s sloppily.

Arin didn’t hesitate at the touch, pushing against Dan, hoping to deepen the kiss. Dan fumbled at the pressure, feeling like a teenager again, but he gladly accepted, pulling Arin closer to his body. Arin moaned from the attention. No, that wasn’t right.

Dan paused, pulling away. Arin let out a small whine, but Dan remained apart from Arin. Dan stared at the younger man, “Did you just purr?”

Arin seemed surprised at the mention and sputtered to give out any reply, “Of, of course not. I’m, I’m not a cat or anything like that. Where would you even get that idea?”

Dan shoved Arin away. “How the fuck could you?!” Dan hardly lost his cool, but today was one of those days that the world just shit on his parade. First Arin comes out of left field with the apology and then admits to wanting to fuck Dan and it was all because Arin, the one person Dan didn’t tell about his feelings, was the person he told in the form of a cat. “Why didn’t you say something earlier?!”

Arin cast his eyes downward. He couldn’t exactly admit that he could change into a cat, even though Dan had already put it together. It definitely something he wasn’t going to tell the whole office. Hell, it took Arin nearly 3 years of being together with Suzy before he even tried to approach the situation. His face stung as tears threatened to fall. Arin wanted to tell Dan, since the beginning, since the first time Dan rubbed his back. Even before that. He wanted to tell Dan the truth since they had become close and now all that was ruined because Arin had been selfish. Arin didn’t dare lift his head as he heard Barry and Ross shuffle over, due to Dan’s shouts.

Dan dodged any questions relating to why Arin couldn’t look his best friend in the eyes. Nonetheless, Barry and Ross pressed and Dan told them to ask Arin why he had been a dick, ice in his voice.

Arin wiped his face, sniffling as he lifted his head to the two younger men, “It’s nothing to worry about it. We can sort this out ourselves.”

Barry crossed his arm, “Obviously not, if you can’t even look Dan in the eyes.”

Arin tried on a grin, “I got this, guys. Thanks, though.”

Ross mirrored Barry, “Arin, this is now going to be a therapy session. We’re going sit you both down and we’re going to talk this shit out.” Ross turned his eyes to Dan, who seemed more cross at the idea than at Arin. “I don’t care what you think, Dan. We gotta talk about this. You guys have been in the worst mood swings ever.”

Barry was the first out of the hall, standing in front of the couch in the main space. Dan followed, Arin in tow and Ross bringing up the rear. Arin sat first, taking the edge closer to Barry. Dan sat in front of Ross, putting as much space as they could between them.

Ross grabbed his desk chair, placing it in the middle, facing no one. “Okay. First off, Dan, what did Arin do that has put you in such a foul mood that I have literally never seen from you?” Dan huffed, telling him to ask Arin. “Fine. Arin, what did you do to Dan?”

“What makes you think that I did something, huh?” Arin asked, crossing his arms. “Dan’s the one who trusted a _cat_ with all his dark secrets!”

“How the hell was supposed to know it was you?!” Dan shouted, turning his body to Arin.

“Um, maybe after you decided to name me Arin!” Arin shouted back.

“I figured you would be a dark cat!”

“Well, I’m not! I’m a fucking orange tabby!”

Ross turned to Barry, who seemed to share his confusion. After Arin’s last line, Dan and Arin sent daggers at each other, settling into a silent staring contest, and Ross stepped in, “What the fuck do you mean you’re a cat?”

Arin turned to Barry and Ross. “Shit, uh, surprise?” Barry and Ross remained unamused. “I can turn into a cat. Surprise.”

Barry let of a huff of a laugh, “Yeah and I can turn into a dolphin.”

Arin’s eyes widened in awe, seemingly forgetting about Dan for a moment. “Really? I never met anyone that could turn into an animal like me.”

Ross blinked at Arin’s serious tone. “Wait, you’re serious? Like you can change into a full-on cat?” Arin nodded sheepishly. “Can you do other animals? Or is cat your only option?”

“I’ve tried others, but they always turn out wrong? I don’t know if that’s the right word. But a cat is what I do most of the time.”

Something in Dan’s mind clicked and he jumped off the couch. “Oh, my god! I saw your dick!”

“You didn’t have to check!” Arin shouted in return, standing as well.

“You could have scratched me or something! I can’t believe I saw your dick!”

Arin crossed his arms, “Well you wanted to see it anyway!”

Ross quickly moved to stand before the two men. “C’mon. Let’s sit down and work some things out, okay?” Ross paused, taking in everything Arin just said. “Wait, what?” Arin and Dan relaxed slightly, taking their attention off each other and focused on Ross. “Are you guys gonna fuck or something? Should Barry and I leave?” Ross pointed to the door, “’Cause we will if you guys need some time together.”

The pair turned away from Ross, shuffling their feet. Barry nodded, “Oh. So it’s about tension. Cool. We’ll leave you two to it.” Barry linked Ross’s arm, dragging him out of the office.

Arin looked up at Dan. “Hey, listen. I wanted to say something, if that’s any consolation. I know probably isn’t, but still.”

Dan frowned slightly, not at Arin, but at his own guilt. “I shouldn’t have been so aggressive about it. I mean, if you had told be before that you were a cat, I probably would have laughed in your face. No offense.”

“I still feel bad about not saying something sooner, especially after you kept talking to me about, well, me. I just thought you would think I was crazy or something. And you have every right to hate me or never talk to me again. I would totally understand.” Dan laughed to himself, putting a scowl on Arin’s face. “I know, I said you could hate me, but laughing is a little harsh, don’t you think?”

Dan fell against the couch as his laughter turned into wheezing. Arin watched as Dan recovered, giggles escaping every now and again. “It’s, it’s not you, I swear. It’s just, just the nickname big cat got a whole new meaning.”

The frown on Arin’s face quickly flipped to a grin, even though Arin tired his hardest not to smile. “So you don’t hate me entirely?” Arin asked, his stomach bubbling with butterflies.

Dan moved his hair out of his face. “I’m still really mad at you, but I don’t hate you, no. I couldn’t hate my big cat.” Dan smiled as he pulled Arin into his lap. Arin let out a yelp before curling against the older man’s chest.

After a moment of calm, Arin hopped out of Dan’s lap. “I got an idea.” Dan watched with skeptical eyes before Arin quietly changed into a tabby.

Dan blinked at the feline as he climbed into his lap. “You really are a cat. Holy fuck.” Arin let out a soft mew before tucking his tail under himself and quickly falling asleep. “Okay. Dude. You proved your point. I can’t stay mad at you forever, but you need to get off me.” Arin twitched in his sleep before Dan gave into the adorableness that was cat Arin. “You win this round, my big cat.”


End file.
